Sunday, January 1, 2012

{2012} aka Operation Hot Body.

Woah. It's 2012. I'm that girl that still thinks 1995 was about 10 years ago, which I also think was just a little bit ago, which I sometime reference to as a few years ago, which to me feels like yesterday. I was a senior in high school. I hated high school. I was a mean girl. I am sorry. I did ZERO extra curricular activities (well, school oriented ones, for shame). I was too busy seeing and being seen as my dear ol' mama always said. I wore red lipstick daily. Had ridiculously long brunette hair with heavy under-curled bangs & fashion was my main focus. I started working when I was 15 so I could spend money. I haven't stopped (spending money that is, ah-hem). I had top notch design gear from head to toe. I thought I was it. I learned years later, I really was not. I wore a girdle to my senior prom. My prom dress was a size 4. Go figure. Everything in my teenage life was materialistic and pretty good. I knew so little.

Speaking of figure, mine sucks. Bad. I used to have a rockin' hot bod. A rock hard stomach, tig ol' biddies & nice firm bootay and legs like a thoroughbred race horse. Shooweee, I was doin' it. Then, one bad relationship after another, a baby (who will be 6 in 3 days - Oh Em Gee), a lack of motivation, starting a business, then another & another...well, I just said screw it, I'll take a #4 with cheese, large fries & diet coke (you know that evens it out, right?) Now my body is considered "normal." Not obese, not morbidly obese, just normal. Well, from my viewpoint, there ain't nothin' normal about this. My rock hard stomach is now tubular, the nice boobies are now a giant uni-boob, my booty is far from bootylicious and my long sculpted legs look like marbled hairy meat sticks. Grotesque yes, normal? Negative.

I'm throwing it all out there people. Join in and love me or move on and hate me but, here goes. I'm all of 5 feet and 8.5 inches, about 69" tall (what what!) In 1995 I was a wonderful 127 pounds. Today, some 16+ years later I'm tipping the scales at 168. Normal? Yes. Healthy? No.

I took pictures of myself today in my favorite tee tiny itty bitty inappropriate for my age bikini. If I ever get up the nerve to post them biatches on here, well, that is a different story. But, I did it. I'm a professional photographer. I make people look pretty. I make me look pretty. For the past 5 years, my self portraits, snap shots and formal images have been digitally botoxed, liquified, squished, stretched, smoothed and fixed. These are not professional images. These are straight up ghetto, in the mirror snap shots of my gawd awful body. Help me sweet baby geezus.

Why a blog? I don't know. I'm ignorant I guess. I want everyone to wallow in my shallow self pity. As, I sit here and type (with my fat rolls laying over my waist band), I'm rolling my eyes. I'm sarcastic. I'm blogging because I can. Because I'm just a regular ol' girl from Allerbammer, who is SICK AND TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE THIS! Screaming!! Do I need motivation? Yes. Do I have it? Nope. But, I'm working on it.

Today, I started a list of eating habits I need to change. I started a list of different salad options. I googled, I facebooked, I pinned (I am also a pinterest addict). I came up with things that I CAN DO. I love to cook. I just need to cook better and healthier. I want to rid the pantry of box dinners and prepackaged meals and crap. You know the crap, that is so freaking good!! Can I admit that I love the hamburger that helps you make a great meal and comes in a box? It's easy. My girl likes it. It's fat on a platter, k? OH!! And I love CHEESE and bacon and Mexican food and CHEESE and chips and cream cheese (you can put that on anything)!! I can eat better. I need to. I can do this. Wait, can I do this?

Great, now I'm hungry and I just had a hot dog (I didn't say I was going to start RIGHT now).

Here's another thing you should know, I'm a diet junkie. Let's see, I've done the low carb diet, the cabbage diet, Weight Watchers, the heart patient diet, the South Beach diet, the juice cleanse crap, LA Weight Loss, the doc in a box diet pills that make you shat yourself after every meal, and most recently the 17 Day Diet (which worked until I lost interest). I'm sure there are more from over the years, but these are what I can remember off the top of my head.

Goal #1 - Eat more green and less garb.

Salad ideas::

Skinny Cobb Salad - chopped egg whites, tomato, spinach leaves, low fat bleu cheese crumbles, a tee tiny little bit of bacon crumbles and a low fat bleu cheese dressing.

Waldorfy - lettuce, grilled chicken, chopped celery, chopped apples, toasted almonds (because plain ones make me gag) & a splash of lemon juice.

3 Bean - Arugula, yellow wax beans, white beans (can, drain & rinse), chick peas, roasted red pepper, grated low fat parma cheese.

Nicoise (wth?) - Arugula, spinach, cherry tomatoes, green beans, yellow bell pepper, tuna, nicoise olives (OH, guessing we won't have those around here so, I'll go with black), low fat vinaigrette.

Asian Persuasion (kidding) - cilantro, grated carrots, sliced radishes, cremini mushrooms, avocado, chopped tofu.

Blueberry - Spinach leaves, blue berries, low fat feta cheese crumbles, walnuts and some sort of fruity low fat vinaigrette.

I learned that if you mix all your ingredients up first and just use a tiny bit of dressing, it helps the flavor a lot. Especially if you like dressing, like I like dressing!

PSA...I am not a doctor, a nutritionist, a meal planner, chef. I am a "normal" girl well on her way to becoming a "fat" girl. I don't have caloric intake, nutritional information or any of that jazz for anything that I will post...if I do, I copied from some where I will link back. Please and thank you.

There are lots more healthy salad options here... Healthy Salad Option | Whole Living (check it)!

Here's to Operation Hot Body! Whoop Whoop!


Next up... Healthy Meat?


  1. You are hillarious Jamie!!!!!
    I can't believe you said you were a mean girl!
    I enjoyed your blog though so keep it coming.
    Good Luck with the diet thing too.

  2. Oh girl! We are the same height and weight and I'm feeling you pain. Here's to looking and feeling better in our own skin!

  3. Misty! I was a mean girl to anyone outside of the ol' EL..Thanks for your kind words!

    Kay - Cheers!!