Sunday, February 26, 2012

A month.

My month has been crazy. I mean absolute and total crazy. Wake up, take girl to school, go to work, get girl from school, cook dinner, clean up, bathe girl, work, sleep. Repeat. Then, throw in go to New Orleans for work. Go to Las Vegas for work. Did I mention I'm planning a wedding too? It's been a wild month to say the least.

Ever want to just throw in the towel? Whether with your job or your relationships or diets or just life in general. Just want to say, forget it, I QUIT? I'm there. Not just with this eating healthy weight loss kick but, with tons of things. I find myself unsatisfied at times. I think it's normal to feel overwhelmed but, when is it not? I have a good life. We are blessed to have our health, a beautiful home (that I adore), tons of gorgeous girls between us (4, but who's counting... that's tons, right?), & we both own our own businesses. (Us, We, Our = Steve & I... he's my significant other, I'm his better half) Anyway, I feel consumed with work. I started photography because I loved it. I loved the idea of preserving memories. I loved the idea of playing with babies as a job and getting paid for it. I also, loved the fact that I got to meet new people on a daily basis. In the past 6 years, I've met the best people, made tons of new friends and watched lots of babies turn into Kindergarteners. Then recently, I have a couple of sour apples. Really rotten apples. Women who obviously were brought up outside the south with no mothers or proper women as role models to guide them through life. I have never felt so degraded & inadequate in my life. People give me rave reviews about their portraits. Gush on about how they look & feel. This one person said one sentence to me that I will never forget. I think about it with every click of the shutter. Anytime I enter a sales session or upload a gallery I think of it. She said, "you are horrible, your work is horrible, your service is horrible." I am horrible. It's been months since this interaction. Yet it still burns to the core of my being. I'm not horrible. I strive to be a good person. I keep to myself mostly. I live a good life. I'm happy but, I keep hearing, "you are horrible." It only takes one person to bring you down.

Well, Horrible Hannah here is going to do all I can do be Happy Hannah. Times are hard. Business is steady, sales are low, the economy stinks. I want to quit but, I have a little life to mold. God has bigger things for me. Quitting is not an option. I'm not one to boast about church or to constantly quote bible verses or be a bible beater but, lately I've found solace in God. I wish each of you could feel what I feel. I'm struggling but, I have this overwhelming feeling of peace that everything will be better.

Try and find your own peace in your own higher power.

Here's to happiness & hoping horrible people find their own peace.